(Or ‘Bean Down So God-Damn Long’ …)
When I was a wee bandicoot, baked beans were pretty omnipresent.
Along with tinned spaghetti, tomato sandwiches on white sliced bread, with margarine, and tinned soup, baked beans in that time were just part of life in Sydney - especially if you were poor. But I knew that there was more to the story of beans, baked or otherwise, than could be found in the glittering tins of Heinz, P.M.U., and SPC.
You see, as a lad, I had access to Laura Ingalls Wilder’s ‘Little House’ books. And unless you’ve read all of these ghastly, Libertarian, misogynist, racist,
anti-government, white-supremacist tomes, you probably weren’t aware of how many recipes and descriptions of food are included in them. I borrowed a bunch of food ideas from these books; bean soup, fried apple and onions, tomato salad, vinegar pie, vinegar water … and, of course, one of the recipes I obtained from this series was baked beans.
But American baked beans are kinda meh. Beans are one of those foods that are cooked all over the world, and some of them are truly delicious; barbunya pilaki (Turkish bean stew, made with borlotti beans, garlic, olive oil, celery, tomato, and vegetables), cassoulet (Southern French bean stew, made with fried breadcrumbs, garlic, goose, haricot beans, herbs, mutton, onions, pork, and sausage), chapea (Dominican bean stew, made with green plantains, kidney beans, mashed squash, rice, and vegetables, flavoured with green coriander and sour orange juice), fasolada negros (Greek bean soup, made with olive oil, onions, white beans, and vegetables, flavoured with garlic, herbs, and lemon) feijoada (Brazilian bean stew, made with beef, black beans, garlic, onion, pork, , tomato, and vegetables), frijoles negros (Cuban bean stew, made with black beans, garlic, ham, and onion), ful medames (Egyptian bean stew, made with chillies, fava beans, garlic, lemon, olive oil, onions, and vegetables), porotos granados (Chilean bean stew, made with corn kernels, cranberry beans, mashed pumpkin, onion, and squash), and zuppa di fagioli (Tuscan bean soup, made with cannellini beans, carrots, chicken stock, garlic, kale, olive oil, onion, and tomatoes) … I could go on, but you get the picture. So, why make American baked beans, when you can make something like frijoles charros (Mexican cowboy-style bean stew). As the following …
Frijoles Charros (The Old Lounge Bandicoot)
Ingredients
* 500g dry pinto beans, baking soda.
* 6 garlic cloves, 2 onions, 1 bunch green coriander, 250g salt pork in one piece, 1 chorizo, 2 rashers streaky bacon, salt, pepper, ground chipotle, smoked paprika, cumin, garlic powder, dried oregano, MSG, 2 tbsp chopped jalapenos, oil, 50g plain beef jerky, low-salt chicken stock, 1 x 400g tin crushed tomatoes, tomato paste, liquid smoke.
First, soak the beans in water for at least twenty-four hours and boil them with a half-teaspoon of baking soda for two hours. Drain the beans in a colander and leave them aside.
Next, do all of your cutting and prep-work. Peel the garlic and onions, crush the garlic and slice the onions into narrow petals. Put them both aside, in one bowl. Wash the coriander, pick all the leaves off the stems, discard the stems, and put the leaves aside in a bowl.
Fry the salt pork, skin-side down in a big, heavy frying pan, for about ten minutes. Turn off the heat, and take the pork out of the pan. Let it cool, trim off and discard the skin, slice the pork into 2mm thick slices, and put it aside in its own bowl. Slice the chorizo and bacon into small bits, and put it aside in its own bowl.
Mix about a teaspoon of salt with a teaspoon of pepper, two teaspoons of ground chipotle, a tablespoon of smoked paprika, two teaspoons of cumin, two teaspoons of garlic powder, two teaspoons of dried oregano, and two teaspoons of MSG. Put this spice mix aside in a small bowl.
Now, fry the salt pork slices, the chorizo, the bacon, and the jalapenos in the frying pan with the fat in it. Add a splash of oil and fry the meat until it’s all nicely browned. Add the garlic, onions, and tomato paste, and fry it all together for a good ten minutes. Add the spice mix and fry it for another few minutes, stirring it around as it fries. Add the cooked beans, the jerky, half the coriander, about two cups of chicken stock, the tomatoes, and a few drops of liquid smoke. Put the lid on, turn the heat down as low as it will go, and cook the beans for a few hours. Adjust the seasonings and serve it.
Serves six.
MUCH better than American baked beans!
Now, I’ve been pretty harsh towards the old baked beans. So, if you do want to make them, here’s my recipe for
